Are you too considerate, too kind, too selfless, and too often bow, just to please others? Don’t pat yourself on your back for being an awesomely amazing human being…You are hurting yourself, and you are at risk of depression.
Polish-born Elzbieta Pettingill, a former fashion model and author, shares her experience with battling depression and tells you why, and how, you must start to love yourself…NOW.
STOP Living Someone Else’s Life
When you are always pleasant, happy, positive, smart, adjusting, caring, scared to speak your mind, change your personality unwillingly, hide your emotions, and unwittingly follow your friends/family’s diktats rather than your heart – you are living their life, not yours. STOP trying to live up to everyone’s expectations. Stop worrying so much about what others are thinking about you: if ‘others’ care about you, they will love and accept you exactly for the way you are.
Lao Tzu, an ancient Chinese philosopher, famously said: “Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”
“I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t who I am. I was a “slave” to anyone who was willing to have me in their life. The fear of rejection always steered my thoughts into the direction that led others to benefit from it more than I did. How tiring was that!? How exhausting it is having to constantly put others before your own self! And how little reward you get at the end of it…”
DO Things Because You Care – For Yourself
Don’t do things because everyone expects you to. Do things because you know they are right. Stop spending all of your time on taking care of people who are important to you, or who can be important in future. This need to please and care for others is deeply rooted in a fear of rejection. Fear of rejection is the underlying feeling that: “If I don’t do everything I can to make this person happy they might leave or stop caring for me.” When you please others to avoid being criticized, rejected or punished, you lose self worth, which can wreak havoc in your life.
“What do you do when the inevitable happens and when they leave? You blame yourself, of course. Consciously, or subconsciously, your already low self-esteem gets reinforced. It spirals downward in a lightning speed and you get even more depressed, thinking that there is no tomorrow for you…”
STAND Up For Yourself
Your significant others don’t care as much as you think. What you think of you is your business, not theirs. While you don’t have to be self-centered and egotistical, you don’t have to put yourself into other people’s shoes – all the time. The desire for connection and to fit in is one of the six basic human needs, but that doesn’t mean you lose yourself in the process of seeking approval. When you are addicted to external approval or opinion, you give your happiness remote to others, get easily manipulated, and accept unhealthy, abusive relationships as your destiny.
“Who cares what others think and, or say? Let me just remind you – it shouldn’t be you. There is only one person in this entire world whose opinion should matter to you, and that is YOU and you ONLY. There is only one person in this entire Universe that needs your pleasing, and that person is you. There is only one person, who needs your caring the most, and yes, you’ve guessed it – it’s you again.
“Just remember this: if you care too much – others will care too little… If you remain too available – others will always remain too busy for you. Without even being apologetic about it, people will always make you wait for them, making you feel as if your time is not nearly as valuable as theirs. You get the picture…”
LOVE Yourself
You must have heard the old saying: No one is ever going to love you more than you love yourself. And you must have brushed this thought aside, thinking self-love means being selfish. Well, when you don’t love yourself enough, or in other words shower all your love on others to feel loved in return, you become clingy; you don’t recognize your own good qualities, your don’t praise yourself, you don’t take pride in your achievements. In short, you get into depression sooner or later, when the love of your life goes away from you.
“Make yourself OK with being alone for now. Make yourself comfortable with being with… YOU. Get to know yourself. Find out exactly what your needs and desires are and then become unstoppable in fulfilling them! Be selfish. You’ve been accused of it so many times before, now it’s time for you to show others (and yourself) how selfish you can really be! Renounce the guilt. Let go of it. Completely. It’s time to release it. Be your number one. Be bold. Be spontaneous. Learn to be yourself in every situation and around everyone. This is how you start to love yourself…”
This article (How Being Too Nice Makes Your Life Miserable) is a free and open source. You have permission to republish this article under a Creative Commons license with attribution to the author and AnonHQ.com.
This has literally been the most amazing and eye opening article I have read. Thank you!!!
Thank you Daniel!!!
great stuff. it hurts the most when the people close to you make you become like that
I did all what I can still she never saw my love , just hate her
I drove myself crazy trying to do what i thought others ‘expected me to do ‘
I ended up with severe depression after trying to help my elderly mother (who did need help, but I always felt guilty i didn’t do enough… )
I still have depression , mum passed away almost 2 years ago . I’m still trying to ‘do the right thing with everyone in my family ..it’s exhausting :/
I have been through the same. My suggestion : do what you want to, without being guilty. Dont do right thing, do things that make YOU happy. It works.
It’s really depressing putting up with others demands just so they could be pleased. People are selfish most of the times taking advantage of others who are trying to be good after reading this article it only proves my beliefs even further that being cold pays off
Easy to say, harder to put into the motion….