ISIS’ Jihadi John Obituary: Well, At Least He Shared His Sex Slave



Was Jihadi John ever a real figure, or was he conjured up by IS? Was he killed by a US strike after somehow being identified by based on voice recognition? Will he be meeting his 72 virgins or has he already met the new IS recruits?

Well, some of those questions were temporarily laid to rest when the oh-so-credible Islamic State’s English Language magazine the Dabiq confirmed that he was killed in a drone strike in November… via an obituary that somehow manages to include at least one crime against humanity.


The obituary reveals that he had once offered his personal sex slave to an injured, unmarried friend, and that “his harshness towards the kuffar [unbelievers] was manifested through deeds that enraged all the nations, religions, and factions of kufr [unbelievers], the entire world bearing witness to this.”

The obituary which named him as Abu Muharib al-Muhajir also explains his origin story- radicalized in England, he debated on whether or not to join al-Shabab in Somalia.

It claims that he was “originally from the northeast of the Arabian Peninsula, while his mother originated from Yemen”.

 “At a young age, the honorouable brother travelled with his family to London. This would become a place he grew to hate along with its kafir [non-Muslim] people, whose customs were far-removed from the praiseworthy values he was much accustomed to.

“It was through the mercy and blessings of Allah that Abu Muharib attained the gift of a sound aqidah [creed] and correct manhaj [methodology] despite residing in one of the centres of kufr [non-belief] and despite the increased presence of deviants calling to the gates of Jahannam [hell].”

Catching the eye of a film director…err, British Intelligence officers, he decided that Syria was the place for all aspiring propaganda actors to be. He left for the country just as the Intelligence officer warned him that “you’re not going anywhere, we are going to be on you like a shadow.”

A shadow that apparently belongs to tree,  because nobody was able to track him when he, according to the obituary, spent two months trekking through Europe’s “marshy farmlands” en route to Syria.

The obituary even gloats that he disappeared “right under the nose of the much-overrated MI5 British intelligence agency”. Can we agree that mass surveillance is either completely useless or that the intelligence agencies are letting these lunatics go on purpose? There are far too many instances of these terrorists being “watched” yet still being capable of carrying out their end goal. One does not get to join spy agencies for being completely incompetent, right?

He was stopped at two different countries by security officials, none of whom were warned that British Intelligence was on him like a shadow.

The obituary would go on to claim that Jihadi John was in fact a caring sort of sociopath;

“He would also frequently frequently visit his orphaned son, taking him to the masājid [mosque] and entertaining him with trips out to the park and the zoo,”

Of a sex slave he received as a gift, “he did not hesitate to give her away – likewise as a gift – to an unmarried injured brother.

The magazine would go on to praise Syed Rizwan Farook and his wife, Tashfeen Malik, the terrorists who killed 14 people in San Bernardino last year.

The two had (according to the IS propaganda piece) “proved that they were ready to sacrifice what was dearest to them. They left their baby daughter in the care of others knowing that they likely wouldn’t see her again in this life.”


Sources: Foreign Policy , WSJ, Daily Mail

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