BREAKING: This New Outbreak Is Spreading 10,000 Times Faster Than Coronavirus


Public health officials in  have confirmed its first 50,000 cases of being a misinformed fuckwit as xenophobic conspiracy theories and tales of false cures continue to spread across social media.

“Becoming a complete moron during an infectious disease outbreak is far more viral than we first thought,” said Dr. Jeanne Smith of Toronto Public Health. “Fact resistance is abnormally high especially among the dullard population, and the bottom 5% of your graduating high school class.”

Idiocracy is a 2006 American science fiction comedy film directed by Mike Judge, who co-wrote it with Etan Cohen. Starring Luke Wilson, Maya Rudolph and Dax Shepard, it tells the story of Joe Bauers (Wilson), an American soldier who takes part in a classified military human hibernation experiment, only to accidentally awaken 500 years later in a dystopian society, in which commercialism has run rampant, and mankind has embraced anti-intellectualism and is devoid of intellectual curiosity, social responsibility, and coherent notions of justice and human rights.

Tens of thousands of people were affected by a novel fake news claim that the Chinese government was developing  at Canada’s National Microbiology Lab leaving at least 10,000 people stupider.

Patients are usually asymptomatic until they open their mouths or start tweeting.

Aunts spreading rumours about 100% natural cures for the virus on Facebook have been quarantined while racist uncles at dinner tables were ball-gagged as a precaution.

“Our epidemiologists are working hard to identify idiot zero, but there might be more sporadic outbreaks of coronavirus-related imbecility,” added Dr. Smith.

Meanwhile, health officials are dreading teaching the population a complicated prevention technique: washing your hands.

Palestinians recognize Texas as part of Mexico

 – In response to US President ’s recognition of  as the Israeli capital, the Palestinian National Authority has announced that it will recognize Texas as a state of Mexico since it was violently annexed by the United States in the 1840s.

“The territory north and east of the Rio Grande is very important to the Mexican people,” explained a PNA spokesperson. “Before American settlers showed up and implemented slavery, Mexico oversaw this land. Then, President Polk sent his armies to invade the rest of these Mexican territories, and force the country to give up California, New Mexico, most of Arizona, Nevada, and Utah, and parts of Wyoming and Colorado. We may soon recognize these states as part of Mexico too.”

Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas says that this is a new approach to , and hopes it will help ease the tension between the two countries over security and immigration.

“We understand that the Mexican state of Texas is a sacred place for many large-buckled Americans, but they can rest assured that a two-state solution or a wall was not feasible,” explained Abbas.

“Besides, most people in Texas speak Spanish.”

The Palestinian consulate in Mexico City will soon be moved to Houston to formally recognize the seized territory as part of Mexico.

At press time, President Trump hopes that his recognition of Jerusalem as ’s capital will offer a new path for Middle East violence.


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